Always look on the bright side of life

Coming towards the end of Chemo was very tough, the doctors had told me it would get harder as you go on, it is the accumulation of chemicals that are in your body. And yes you guessed it they were right. It was getting harder and harder, was getting fatigued very quickly, bloated, weak, and just fed up. I used to cry for no apparent reason just because it was so hard. I can't really describe it but when you feel like crap and then look in the mirror at your bald head, that used to set me off as well. When people used to say to me that you look well, they were either lying or else my make up skills and my wig were really very good.!

I tried to keep out of the limelight, you will notice if you were a friend of mine on FB, there were very few pics of me up there. Gordon used to do the shopping in Tuam, as I was afraid to run into someone I knew.

My chemo was due to finish on 26th November about a week after my birthday so Gordon, myself, John and his partner went to Rouge for dinner. It was lovely to get out but I couldn't drink much. Yes sadly, my taste for alcohol was another side effect of chemo, but here's a pic of me enjoying a glass of champagne.. :)

The last few days before I finished I was so excited, the thought of finishing was brilliant. It was better than Christmas and my Birthday rolled into one. There may have been cryptic clues on my FB, like...

And so it came, the final day, 26th November 2013. I hoped and skipped into that Chemo ward like I was Michael Flatley, all the nurses knew it was my final day. But before they give you the drugs, they have to do your bloods to make sure you are healthy enough to take it. So they were saying just don't get too excited yet until your bloods are back. I knew my bloods were fine, I could feel it. When they came back and said Yes, your bloods are fine, I was like, I told you so! Never was someone so happy, I was practically beaming from ear to ear while they hooked me up.

I am a person who believes in signs, kinda like in the film Final Destination, when you see a sign you must not ignore it. That afternoon, my drip was almost finished and on comes the radio, "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor, I couldn't ignore it, pardon the pun, but I'm sitting in a chemo ward with everyone hooked up and this song comes on the radio. I had this compulsion to get up out of my chair and start singing it. Gordon looked at me disapprovingly and No, you can't do it. He was right, it would have been inappropriate to do it but wouldn't it have been gas to see everyone in that room singing, I will survive. I regret not having the guts to do it. Finally the drip had finished and they removed all of the tubing, I was free to go. All the nurses wished me luck and I told them in no uncertain terms, that I didn't want to see any of them again! (in a nice way)
We of course heading to The G Hotel to have a cocktail to celebrate!! What this picture does not show is about half way through, I spent about 1/2 hour in the toilet being sick. Not the best idea but still glad I managed to get half a Pina Colada into me!

Slowly but surely the effects started to subside, but even today I'm still not right, they told me it would be a year before I am fully right after chemo. It stays that long in your system. About 4 weeks after chemo I went to visit my two consultants. Firstly, Prof. Kerin, he was very happy to see how well I had done and positive I had kept through the whole experience.He examined me and he could not feel any tumour at all. I beamed with delight. I questioned him a second time, "Are you sure" and surely to God, that man had another examination and there was nothing there that he could feel!!!
We were both so happy, he thought that the effects of the chemo were successful and the only way for sure to see if there was anything there was by surgery. I had thought about this and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. So when he asked me about my surgery options, it was a no-brainer. I want you to do a double mastectomy, I want everything gone cause I don't want to go through this again. (If this is your first time reading my blog, reasons are: Mother died of breast cancer, my sister had it twice, both my second cousins had it the year before me and I am a carrier of the BRCA1 Gene.) My boobs were a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Hence the name of my blog!!

So you can see why I it was a no-brainer for me. They told me that surgery would be some time in January as you have to leave the body time to heal after chemo and get your bloods back up again. We went to see the oncologist as well that month and he had exactly the same opinion of Prof, he couldn't feel a thing. It was a great relief going into Christmas knowing that I had at least some good news.

That Christmas Day was one I will always remember, I love Christmas, anyone who knows me will know that I love everything about it. I'm worse than a child, with decorations, buying the cats Christmas clothes and just about anything that is Christmassy. Oh and I love Christmas Jumpers as well!
I wasn't sick that day but I didn't feel like my good old self, I did think what if this is my last Christmas here, what if this is the last turkey that I will cook, the last Christmas jumper that I will wear?
I did get upset that day as we visited my parents grave and I asked myself where would I be this time next year.  I'm not a morbid person and I always look on the bright side of life but I can't help each time I do something memorable that it could be my last. You can't possibly live your life that way but I hope in time that will subside. Even just back from my holidays I still couldn't help but think, what if this is my last holiday? Well if it is, then make it count. None of us know what the future will hold so all we can do is our best to enjoy ourselves and not take the serious stuff too seriously. If I'm able to do something then I'll do it. Life is indeed for the living.

Yvonne
XXX

Me and Mr. Bond Christmas 2013.

P.S. I am going to do a 10k run this year in aid of breast cancer research, if you would like to sponsor me, you can do so via the link. http://www.mycharity.ie/event/yvonne_dolans_event/
xxx