Happy Canniversary to me!

I think it was fitting that my last blog should be on my canniversary, this day last year, 24th July 2013, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The last year has been a whirlwind where my life was flipped on its head. All I knew and did was up in the air, my thoughts, dreams and aspirations. This night last year, I was drinking copious amounts of wine (nothing changed this year!), crying and asking why me? Something's I have realised this last year is to be grateful for what we have, we take everything for granted, we moan about the smallest things and when you put it in perspective, we are so lucky to be walking around being healthy able to do the things that we enjoy. To sum up what procedures I have gone through, 8 rounds of Chemo, a double mastectomy, 32 sessions of radiotherapy and another surgery.
This night last year I was a mess, but tonight I'm sipping my glass of wine, I got my hair done today, just after getting a spray tan and my biggest worry was getting caught in the rain so I wouldn't have any streaks, (first world problem!)

The 1st July saw me return to work, I was a wreck, so nervous, would I be able to do my job again, have I dumbed down over the last year, will I be able. That morning, I was so nervous, I have gotten up earlier to apply my make up, trying to look my best, I had a knot in the bottom of my stomach, Gordon got up and was getting dressed, he came to say goodbye and I know he was going to give me the speech, like you can do it, you will be great, go and knock 'em dead.

I couldn't even say anything to him, I was so emotional, this was a huge day to me, so with a lump in my throat, I told him to go and not say a word. He knew by my face that I was about to burst into tears so he did as I asked, don't even start me on Mr. Bond, (my silver tipped chincilla persian) my baby, his big sad blue eyes, I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. You know those mom's that go back to work and they are upset to leave their children at the creche, well I now understand. I left the house without saying a word to him or giving him a big kitty snuggle.
When I got to work, everyone was so nice and understanding and made me feel so welcome. They even had cakes and surprised me with flowers, I have to say it was great to be back into the swing of things again, talking to adults, having adult conversations.

There are something's again that we take for granted and that is appreciating your friends, some people have been great to me through this whole ordeal, I'm not going to do the Gweneth on it and go on forever thanking everyone but I do want to note some people that were especially kind to me.

John, Cathal, Dee, Alan, Breda, Pauline (Mama 2), Angela, Martin & Teresa, you don't realise what your friendship and kindness has meant to me, they say when a crisis happens that you know who your friends are and really, I was so lucky to have you in my life. Being brought off to various castles around the country to sample afternoon tea! Coming out after your long day of work to give me my injections and listen to me moan and help me down glasses of wine. Calling out to visit me and again listen to me moan about being bloated, getting masses said for me. For those of you that send cards and messages, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Last but not least to my long suffering husband, Gordon, someone once said to me that "Gordon has a lot to put up with", this was before I got sick! Yes, I am a diva, I have a penchant for expensive bags,I like nice things, and he has to drive up to Dublin to bring me shopping while he waits for me, puts up with my cats and then he had to nurse me, mind me, clean the house, do the washing and all this while working on growing his own company. So the biggest thanks is to you.
I've done so much this last year, I went to London at Christmas, I started back running again, I did the Galway 5k series and I ran 8k out in Roundstone, visited lots of castles and became an expert in afternoon tea sandwiches and pastries. Once the "girls" were reconstructed I went on holidays to Tenerife sporting my new bikini so all in all, I had a pretty good year considering what I had gone through. Gordon always says to me that when I am 80, I will have the perkiest boobs in the nursing home!

To anyone reading this that is about to go through your journey, its not easy, but if you surround yourself with good friends and family, you will get through it. Stay strong and there will be times that you will look in the mirror and think you are uncle fester in a wig, but it will grow back!

I hoped that you enjoyed reading my blogs as much as I enjoyed writing them. So to life, love and happiness. Cheers.. !

I'm signing off now with one of my favourite songs, anyone that knows me personally will know straight away that this song sums me up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNSUOFgj97M

I plan to run a 10k later this year and if you would like to support a great cause, the NBCRI. The key is curing breast cancer is research, this is for your mother, sister, aunt, daughter. So donate if you can, every little helps! http://www.mycharity.ie/event/yvonne_dolans_event/

Always look on the bright side of life

Coming towards the end of Chemo was very tough, the doctors had told me it would get harder as you go on, it is the accumulation of chemicals that are in your body. And yes you guessed it they were right. It was getting harder and harder, was getting fatigued very quickly, bloated, weak, and just fed up. I used to cry for no apparent reason just because it was so hard. I can't really describe it but when you feel like crap and then look in the mirror at your bald head, that used to set me off as well. When people used to say to me that you look well, they were either lying or else my make up skills and my wig were really very good.!

I tried to keep out of the limelight, you will notice if you were a friend of mine on FB, there were very few pics of me up there. Gordon used to do the shopping in Tuam, as I was afraid to run into someone I knew.

My chemo was due to finish on 26th November about a week after my birthday so Gordon, myself, John and his partner went to Rouge for dinner. It was lovely to get out but I couldn't drink much. Yes sadly, my taste for alcohol was another side effect of chemo, but here's a pic of me enjoying a glass of champagne.. :)

The last few days before I finished I was so excited, the thought of finishing was brilliant. It was better than Christmas and my Birthday rolled into one. There may have been cryptic clues on my FB, like...

And so it came, the final day, 26th November 2013. I hoped and skipped into that Chemo ward like I was Michael Flatley, all the nurses knew it was my final day. But before they give you the drugs, they have to do your bloods to make sure you are healthy enough to take it. So they were saying just don't get too excited yet until your bloods are back. I knew my bloods were fine, I could feel it. When they came back and said Yes, your bloods are fine, I was like, I told you so! Never was someone so happy, I was practically beaming from ear to ear while they hooked me up.

I am a person who believes in signs, kinda like in the film Final Destination, when you see a sign you must not ignore it. That afternoon, my drip was almost finished and on comes the radio, "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor, I couldn't ignore it, pardon the pun, but I'm sitting in a chemo ward with everyone hooked up and this song comes on the radio. I had this compulsion to get up out of my chair and start singing it. Gordon looked at me disapprovingly and No, you can't do it. He was right, it would have been inappropriate to do it but wouldn't it have been gas to see everyone in that room singing, I will survive. I regret not having the guts to do it. Finally the drip had finished and they removed all of the tubing, I was free to go. All the nurses wished me luck and I told them in no uncertain terms, that I didn't want to see any of them again! (in a nice way)
We of course heading to The G Hotel to have a cocktail to celebrate!! What this picture does not show is about half way through, I spent about 1/2 hour in the toilet being sick. Not the best idea but still glad I managed to get half a Pina Colada into me!

Slowly but surely the effects started to subside, but even today I'm still not right, they told me it would be a year before I am fully right after chemo. It stays that long in your system. About 4 weeks after chemo I went to visit my two consultants. Firstly, Prof. Kerin, he was very happy to see how well I had done and positive I had kept through the whole experience.He examined me and he could not feel any tumour at all. I beamed with delight. I questioned him a second time, "Are you sure" and surely to God, that man had another examination and there was nothing there that he could feel!!!
We were both so happy, he thought that the effects of the chemo were successful and the only way for sure to see if there was anything there was by surgery. I had thought about this and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. So when he asked me about my surgery options, it was a no-brainer. I want you to do a double mastectomy, I want everything gone cause I don't want to go through this again. (If this is your first time reading my blog, reasons are: Mother died of breast cancer, my sister had it twice, both my second cousins had it the year before me and I am a carrier of the BRCA1 Gene.) My boobs were a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Hence the name of my blog!!

So you can see why I it was a no-brainer for me. They told me that surgery would be some time in January as you have to leave the body time to heal after chemo and get your bloods back up again. We went to see the oncologist as well that month and he had exactly the same opinion of Prof, he couldn't feel a thing. It was a great relief going into Christmas knowing that I had at least some good news.

That Christmas Day was one I will always remember, I love Christmas, anyone who knows me will know that I love everything about it. I'm worse than a child, with decorations, buying the cats Christmas clothes and just about anything that is Christmassy. Oh and I love Christmas Jumpers as well!
I wasn't sick that day but I didn't feel like my good old self, I did think what if this is my last Christmas here, what if this is the last turkey that I will cook, the last Christmas jumper that I will wear?
I did get upset that day as we visited my parents grave and I asked myself where would I be this time next year.  I'm not a morbid person and I always look on the bright side of life but I can't help each time I do something memorable that it could be my last. You can't possibly live your life that way but I hope in time that will subside. Even just back from my holidays I still couldn't help but think, what if this is my last holiday? Well if it is, then make it count. None of us know what the future will hold so all we can do is our best to enjoy ourselves and not take the serious stuff too seriously. If I'm able to do something then I'll do it. Life is indeed for the living.

Yvonne
XXX

Me and Mr. Bond Christmas 2013.

P.S. I am going to do a 10k run this year in aid of breast cancer research, if you would like to sponsor me, you can do so via the link. http://www.mycharity.ie/event/yvonne_dolans_event/
xxx

Hair today gone tomorrow...

It was about 3 weeks after getting my diagnosis before I started chemotherapy. As I said in my last post, I wanted to keep busy and distract myself from what was going on so I went to the Galway races with my work colleagues and met up with some friends..

Deirdre, Me, Clair & Aisling enjoying some drinks! 

The following week we went to Madrid for a long weekend, we had to cancel the cruise so booked this very last minute.

Me pretending to eat a ham! 

I started Chemo on 19th August, a Monday. I figured that doing Chemo on Mondays was the better day to start as hopefully the effects of it would have worn off by the weekend and I would be able to enjoy the w/e with Gordon. I chose the Galway Clinic as my preferred hospital as it was easier to get to from Tuam.
The night before I did what I normally do on a Sunday night before work, I put on my tan, washed and blow-dried my hair. I wanted to look my best going in!! I didn't sleep much that night, I was nervous thinking about the chemicals that were going to be pumped into my body, losing my hair, what if it didn't work.. etc. That morning, I got up had my shower, put on my make up and a lovely top that I had bought in Madrid, it had a pair of angel wings on the back and it was my kind of way of saying, this ain't going to break me, I got my wings!!!
Gordon drove me in, we had to pass my workplace and there were tears in my eyes, I know we all have the Monday morning blues about going into work but this Monday morning I wanted to go to work so badly.
We got to the uber glamorous Galway Clinic and headed up to the 3rd floor where they have the chemotherapy day ward. I found a chair that was at the very end of the room out of the way. I had decided before all of this and you may say that I'm selfish but I didn't want to talk to other people in there. I didn't want to hear about their horror stories, about it being their second or third time. I wanted to get in and get out without any negativity, so I had prepared myself as to avoid chatter with my Chemo neighbours. Don't get me wrong, I smiled and was nice but I didn't want to engage in conversation that might end up making me upset. I had my Sony DVD player and headphones and I planned on watching the Breaking Bad box set which I never seemed to have time to sit down and watch.
I had my bloods taken and I was telling the nurse about my new "fur baby" Mr Bond and of course had loads of pics to show her, once my bloods came back and they were fine, they brought down the Chemo drip. Firstly they gave me an anti-sickness tablet, and then a steroid drip, following that was the Chemotherapy drip. As it infused, I could feel my arm getting cold, a funny feeling in my sinus and I could taste it. All in all I was in there at about 9am and out by 12:30pm. We went home after that for a while, I wasn't sure how I would react but to be honest, I felt pretty okay.
Roll on a few hours later, I had an appointment with my GP so I was getting ready to go in to meet her. I could feel my stomach cramp and started to feel sick. We headed off in the car with the window open to get some fresh air into me.

We arrived at the doctors clinic and I felt sick, I had to puke, now bearing in mind we were in a car park and was trying to stay classy. I was scrambling to find something to puke into. Luckily Gordon had a plastic bag and I puked in that, then realised there was a hole in the bag and the contents leaked onto Gordon's new car.. sorry Gordie!!!

They brought me straight into the nurses room and I had to lie down. We met my GP and I wasn't able to talk to her, again Gordon had to do most of the talking while I hovered over the sink in her surgery. We picked up my tablets from the chemist next door and headed home again. Gordon got all the tablets ready for me and I took whatever he gave me, after a few hours I felt better. The following day, I got the Neulasta injection which is a sore injection but helps to bring your bloods back up after the Chemo. My good friend Deirdre or my neighbour Pauline would come out every Tuesday after Chemo to give it to me as I was too afraid to give it to myself. We made a rule, injection first then wine after! Never the other way around! :)
The injection while it brings your bloods up, does have a side effect, it makes your bones very sore and achy, like you are getting a flu. By Thursday of that week it had taken full effect but by Saturday it was nearly gone. The following week was my good week but I still had to be careful not to come into contact with people that were sick. I swear if I heard someone sneeze, I was running in the opposite direction!

We had gone to Dublin that week to pick out my new hair as I knew it would be falling out. This was going to be the worst thing for me, I am vain, I love make up, and pretty things and losing my crowning glory was not going to be easy. I had gone into Galway but there wasn't anything that I liked, blonde wigs are so much harder to get than dark ones. We headed to The Hairclub in Donnybrook as it looked like they had lots to choose from. I picked one, which to be fair was better looking than my own hair!! (They were brill by the way, and would totally recommend them plus cheaper than Galway and lots to choose from)
It was the following Sunday the day before I was due to go in again for Chemo that I was scratching my head and a load of hair fell out in my hand. I got upset looking at the hair and was like f**k it, it's starting to happen. The following day I called Bellisimo in Galway to get it shaved, you don't want it to start falling out in patches and end up looking like yer man from the Goonies.

Myself and my sister Angela had arranged to go together. We were in Galway and we were mooching around the shops waiting for my appointment. Now I didn't know how I was going to react to someone shaving my head, so I had brought my trusty Xanax with me, I stopped in a shop and bought a little carton of OJ to wash it down, my sister looked at me and said, I might need one of those as well, so we split one in half and downed it. We drove on a Xanax high to Bellisimo and headed in. They brought me into a back room and I told the girl that I didn't want to look at her doing it, so to turn me around from the mirror which she did.
She started to shave my head, I chatted to her about some mundane things until I saw my sister crying beside me. Now bear in mind, she has had cancer twice, lost her hair twice, and she was sitting there watching her little sisters head being shaved. Now if she started so would I, so I told her to pull herself together and to think of happy things like bunny rabbits and Santa Claus and "...had the Xanax not taken effect yet!" We laughed and once she had finished shaving my head, she put on the wig and fixed it. I looked better than when I had gone in!!

Me with my new hair! 

So after that, Angela thought I would want to go home after such trauma, why go home when you can go to The G Hotel. I suggested that we grab some lunch and a cocktail to mark the occasion. I had a pulled pork bap and a Mojito! We sat in the lounge while I sipped my cocktail and a lady had caught my eye as she walked past. Without even knowing it or realising it, I had said "oh the poor devil, look at her she has cancer" (she was wearing a headscarf) now, the words were literally just uttered from my lips when I realised that, wait a second, so have I!!! I'm after getting my head shaved a few minutes ago. I knew then I had made the right decision for me regarding my head wear. Not everyone will want to wear a wig, yes they can be uncomfortable, hot, have to be careful if it's windy, but for me, I wanted to look and feel as normal as possible and blend into the crowd. On the plus side, your hair always looks done, you don't have to blow dry to have perfect salon looking hair! I actually got lots of compliments from strangers regarding my hair!!!

The Chemotherapy continued for 16 weeks (8 sessions every 2 weeks) and yes there were ups and downs but I got through it. I don't really remember it now, I think it's like when you have a baby, you forget all the trauma and your body doesn't let you remember it.
I used to see this sign every time I went into have Chemotherapy. Think about it and next time you have the Monday morning blues, just remember there is someone somewhere that wishes that they were able to go into work. It might make it a bit easier to get out of bed. :)

Health is a crown worn by those who are well and seen only by the sick.

P.S. I have undertaken to run a 10k to raise money for Breast Cancer Research (NBCRI).
If you would like to support me you can click on the link and donate here! Thanks.. xx                                                                             http://www.mycharity.ie/event/yvonne_dolans_event/

C Day

Okay so I had gotten the worse news of my life but before I go into that and how I reacted, I should tell you first about how it all came to be.

I had taken up running a few months previous to this thanks to my good friend John, I had lost about 1/2 stone and I was in the fittest shape of my life since I was a teenager, even my boobs had shrunk and I was delighted!!!  I took part in the Galway 5k Series and had run my first 10k in the Kinvara Rock & Road.
I was in pretty good shape and I was working on getting my body into bikini shape for a cruise that we had booked later that year.

John,Clair,Sinead,Goron,Bradley & me at the Galway 5k Series.

I had noticed a small bump when I was in the shower, to be honest I forgot about it, but a week later it was still there. I thought it was a muscle that I had built up from the running.So when I noticed it again I said to myself, I better get it checked out, so I called the Consultants office and asked if they could arrange for a Breast MRI, which they did.
I had the MRI on a Monday and the following day the Consultants office rang me to arrange an appointment to see the Consultant himself. We went through the results of the MRI scan, he said that something showed up but to be on the safe side we'll do a biopsy. I told him that was perfect, lets get this out of the way, make sure I'm fine and then lets see about doing the preventive surgery.

Off I trotted to get the biopsy done, the Doctor that did it was very nice, it was a little sore and the only way I can describe it was like a little stapler going off inside you. I had a mammogram before and after the biopsy and I nearly fainted again!!! This time, I had to be brought into a room to lie down and was given a Bourbon biscuit and a cup of tea. They wouldn't let me leave until they were sure I was okay. I was going to go back to work afterwards but then the Doctor that had done the biopsy came back to me and asked if I was okay. I told her I was fine and was heading back to work, she looked at me and told me to go home, "you've been through a lot today" it was only then that I realised, that something was wrong. I was in on Monday for MRI Scan, then the results on Tuesday, met the Consultant on the Wednesday and biopsy and 2 mammograms done. It was all too quick and really I knew what that meant.

I drove home in quite an amount of pain from the biopsy and it seemed to take forever to get home. It was going to be a week before the results of the biopsy came back so we (my husband - Gordon) decided to carry on as normal.
Fast forward to the following week, I had an appointment with the Consultant again for the biopsy results. I had already convinced myself that it was bad news but I wasn't going to take it lying down. So what does a girl do in crisis, I got myself dolled up to the nines that morning. Did the GHD on the hair, put on a Fabulous dress and gold studded Topshop shoes. Well I wasn't going to look bad after getting bad news now was I!!!

We waited in the Consultants rooms and people went in and out and it seemed that we were left until last. I told Gordon, "OMG, they are leaving us until last, you know why that is don't you". I had him up in a heap until eventually my name was called.
My heart was in my mouth, I could feel it pounding in my chest, the Consultant put out his hand and shook mine and said, "Yvonne, I'm sorry but you have Breast Cancer", before he finished his sentence, I had burst out crying, ruining my freshly applied make up and said, "Yes, I knew it was bad news". The rest of the time in that room was a bit of a blur, Gordon asked most of the questions. I asked one question that I can clearly remember. "Am I going to be alright?" he answered saying "I hope so". That's when it really hit me, Jesus this is serious, I might die from this. We left his room and went into another room with the Breast Care nurse, she gave me a booklet on Breast Cancer (which I still haven't read) and her phone number, she was very nice to us both. We made some small talk and she walked us out, she admired my shoes and we left. We didn't know what to do, we got out of there and headed for home, we rang our friends and family, well Gordon did most of it as I was too upset. We got home, I opened the fridge and took out a bottle of wine and poured myself a glass, it was early only about 4 o'clock but I needed a drink.
Some friends of ours came out to see me that night, Alan & Deirdre, Breda & Pauline. They all brought wine bless them. One of them (I won't mention who) brought back 3 bottles of wine, a bag of ice and a pack of Xanax! We drank, we laughed, we cried and smoked way too many cigarettes. It was that night where Deirdre after a few glasses of wine had said to Gordon that you have to get her a cat with a squashed face (cause I LOVE cats!). Breda stayed that night with us, when I went to bed I broke down. Gordon ran up to the kitchen and got the Xanax and hugged me until I had calmed down. I slept that night due to wine and Xanax. (I am not condoning this!!!)

Things didn't seem as bad the next day, I rang the travel agent to cancel our cruise and some sensible things like that. Gordon brought me into town shopping to take my mind off things, well what else can a girl do in a crisis. Things were bad but not that bad where I can't shop!!!! I bought a few bits and pieces and when I got home I started my search for a cat with a squashed face!

BRCA1 Gene, What does this mean?

The reason that I am writing this blog is to help anyone out there that has been affected by the BRCA1 gene or has developed breast cancer to let you know that it's not the end of the world. I have been very private about my diagnosis and I'm sure lots of people that know me that end up reading this will be like "Jesus, I never knew". My Facebook updates and pictures never hinted at the fact that I was undergoing chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy. So, to be writing a blog goes against all of my privacy issues and the only reason why I am doing this now is to help anyone out there that is going through the same thing. If one person reads this and finds inspiration or helps them, then it is worth it.

So the BRCA1 gene is a defective gene that makes you more predisposed to developing Breast & Ovarian cancer, it came to media attention more so last year after Angelina Jolie had both her breasts removed when she found out she had it.

I found out I had the BRCA1 gene back in 2008, I was only 30. The reason that I was tested for the gene in the first place was due to family history, my Sister had been diagnosed twice with breast cancer, gone through chemo and multiple surgeries whilst having two small children but is absolutely the picture of health now. She is an amazing person and I don't know she went through this twice. She deserves a medal!
My Mother & Father both had cancer and unfortunately lost their battle with it.

My Sister had gotten tested and when she tested positive for the BRCA1 gene, the doctors asked me if I wanted to be tested as well. I was hesitant about getting it done as you have this niggle at the back of your mind about whether or not you want to know this kind of information,but I decided to do it. It was very simple, they just took a sample of blood and I think it was about 9 months later that I got the results. The numbers were big, something like 80% chance of developing breast cancer and 60% for ovarian cancer. Like I said above, even though the numbers were big, I still never thought too much about it.

From there on I had annual tests and checks to make sure that I was okay. I was advised about having preventive surgery and that this was a good option for me but really I couldn't get my head around going into hospital to have my breasts and ovaries removed, when I was perfectly healthy. I always said to my Consultant every year, next year we'll look at doing the operation.

So each year I was tested to make sure I was okay. I remember getting the my first mammogram, I nearly fainted. I had to sit down and put my head between my legs, I was mortified! I nearly fainted while being clamped in the machine!! I told my Consultant that I found the mammogram very painful and he was very understanding so I used to get Breast MRI's instead which involved you lying on a table face down so no pain. :)

For 5 years I continued with my checks and debated with myself every now and again about getting the surgery but I was always too busy with work or something so it went on the back burner until 24th July 2013 where I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

My next blog will go through what happened that day.

This was me at a wedding just a week before I found out.