Hair today gone tomorrow...

It was about 3 weeks after getting my diagnosis before I started chemotherapy. As I said in my last post, I wanted to keep busy and distract myself from what was going on so I went to the Galway races with my work colleagues and met up with some friends..

Deirdre, Me, Clair & Aisling enjoying some drinks! 

The following week we went to Madrid for a long weekend, we had to cancel the cruise so booked this very last minute.

Me pretending to eat a ham! 

I started Chemo on 19th August, a Monday. I figured that doing Chemo on Mondays was the better day to start as hopefully the effects of it would have worn off by the weekend and I would be able to enjoy the w/e with Gordon. I chose the Galway Clinic as my preferred hospital as it was easier to get to from Tuam.
The night before I did what I normally do on a Sunday night before work, I put on my tan, washed and blow-dried my hair. I wanted to look my best going in!! I didn't sleep much that night, I was nervous thinking about the chemicals that were going to be pumped into my body, losing my hair, what if it didn't work.. etc. That morning, I got up had my shower, put on my make up and a lovely top that I had bought in Madrid, it had a pair of angel wings on the back and it was my kind of way of saying, this ain't going to break me, I got my wings!!!
Gordon drove me in, we had to pass my workplace and there were tears in my eyes, I know we all have the Monday morning blues about going into work but this Monday morning I wanted to go to work so badly.
We got to the uber glamorous Galway Clinic and headed up to the 3rd floor where they have the chemotherapy day ward. I found a chair that was at the very end of the room out of the way. I had decided before all of this and you may say that I'm selfish but I didn't want to talk to other people in there. I didn't want to hear about their horror stories, about it being their second or third time. I wanted to get in and get out without any negativity, so I had prepared myself as to avoid chatter with my Chemo neighbours. Don't get me wrong, I smiled and was nice but I didn't want to engage in conversation that might end up making me upset. I had my Sony DVD player and headphones and I planned on watching the Breaking Bad box set which I never seemed to have time to sit down and watch.
I had my bloods taken and I was telling the nurse about my new "fur baby" Mr Bond and of course had loads of pics to show her, once my bloods came back and they were fine, they brought down the Chemo drip. Firstly they gave me an anti-sickness tablet, and then a steroid drip, following that was the Chemotherapy drip. As it infused, I could feel my arm getting cold, a funny feeling in my sinus and I could taste it. All in all I was in there at about 9am and out by 12:30pm. We went home after that for a while, I wasn't sure how I would react but to be honest, I felt pretty okay.
Roll on a few hours later, I had an appointment with my GP so I was getting ready to go in to meet her. I could feel my stomach cramp and started to feel sick. We headed off in the car with the window open to get some fresh air into me.

We arrived at the doctors clinic and I felt sick, I had to puke, now bearing in mind we were in a car park and was trying to stay classy. I was scrambling to find something to puke into. Luckily Gordon had a plastic bag and I puked in that, then realised there was a hole in the bag and the contents leaked onto Gordon's new car.. sorry Gordie!!!

They brought me straight into the nurses room and I had to lie down. We met my GP and I wasn't able to talk to her, again Gordon had to do most of the talking while I hovered over the sink in her surgery. We picked up my tablets from the chemist next door and headed home again. Gordon got all the tablets ready for me and I took whatever he gave me, after a few hours I felt better. The following day, I got the Neulasta injection which is a sore injection but helps to bring your bloods back up after the Chemo. My good friend Deirdre or my neighbour Pauline would come out every Tuesday after Chemo to give it to me as I was too afraid to give it to myself. We made a rule, injection first then wine after! Never the other way around! :)
The injection while it brings your bloods up, does have a side effect, it makes your bones very sore and achy, like you are getting a flu. By Thursday of that week it had taken full effect but by Saturday it was nearly gone. The following week was my good week but I still had to be careful not to come into contact with people that were sick. I swear if I heard someone sneeze, I was running in the opposite direction!

We had gone to Dublin that week to pick out my new hair as I knew it would be falling out. This was going to be the worst thing for me, I am vain, I love make up, and pretty things and losing my crowning glory was not going to be easy. I had gone into Galway but there wasn't anything that I liked, blonde wigs are so much harder to get than dark ones. We headed to The Hairclub in Donnybrook as it looked like they had lots to choose from. I picked one, which to be fair was better looking than my own hair!! (They were brill by the way, and would totally recommend them plus cheaper than Galway and lots to choose from)
It was the following Sunday the day before I was due to go in again for Chemo that I was scratching my head and a load of hair fell out in my hand. I got upset looking at the hair and was like f**k it, it's starting to happen. The following day I called Bellisimo in Galway to get it shaved, you don't want it to start falling out in patches and end up looking like yer man from the Goonies.

Myself and my sister Angela had arranged to go together. We were in Galway and we were mooching around the shops waiting for my appointment. Now I didn't know how I was going to react to someone shaving my head, so I had brought my trusty Xanax with me, I stopped in a shop and bought a little carton of OJ to wash it down, my sister looked at me and said, I might need one of those as well, so we split one in half and downed it. We drove on a Xanax high to Bellisimo and headed in. They brought me into a back room and I told the girl that I didn't want to look at her doing it, so to turn me around from the mirror which she did.
She started to shave my head, I chatted to her about some mundane things until I saw my sister crying beside me. Now bear in mind, she has had cancer twice, lost her hair twice, and she was sitting there watching her little sisters head being shaved. Now if she started so would I, so I told her to pull herself together and to think of happy things like bunny rabbits and Santa Claus and "...had the Xanax not taken effect yet!" We laughed and once she had finished shaving my head, she put on the wig and fixed it. I looked better than when I had gone in!!

Me with my new hair! 

So after that, Angela thought I would want to go home after such trauma, why go home when you can go to The G Hotel. I suggested that we grab some lunch and a cocktail to mark the occasion. I had a pulled pork bap and a Mojito! We sat in the lounge while I sipped my cocktail and a lady had caught my eye as she walked past. Without even knowing it or realising it, I had said "oh the poor devil, look at her she has cancer" (she was wearing a headscarf) now, the words were literally just uttered from my lips when I realised that, wait a second, so have I!!! I'm after getting my head shaved a few minutes ago. I knew then I had made the right decision for me regarding my head wear. Not everyone will want to wear a wig, yes they can be uncomfortable, hot, have to be careful if it's windy, but for me, I wanted to look and feel as normal as possible and blend into the crowd. On the plus side, your hair always looks done, you don't have to blow dry to have perfect salon looking hair! I actually got lots of compliments from strangers regarding my hair!!!

The Chemotherapy continued for 16 weeks (8 sessions every 2 weeks) and yes there were ups and downs but I got through it. I don't really remember it now, I think it's like when you have a baby, you forget all the trauma and your body doesn't let you remember it.
I used to see this sign every time I went into have Chemotherapy. Think about it and next time you have the Monday morning blues, just remember there is someone somewhere that wishes that they were able to go into work. It might make it a bit easier to get out of bed. :)

Health is a crown worn by those who are well and seen only by the sick.

P.S. I have undertaken to run a 10k to raise money for Breast Cancer Research (NBCRI).
If you would like to support me you can click on the link and donate here! Thanks.. xx                                                                             http://www.mycharity.ie/event/yvonne_dolans_event/

Game of Distraction

Following on from that "Bad" week, I had appointments made for me, a Bone scan & CT scan and also to meet with the Oncologist. I had gone back to work as I figured, there was no point sitting at home feeling sorry for myself and Googling things about cancer. RULE 1 - DON'T GOOGLE!!! You will always be drawn to the worst case scenario and then find out you are going to die. How do I know this because I Googled!! Going back to work was great, got me out of the house and I have some really close friends there that knew what was going on. They were brill to me... thanks Clair, John & Norma. Also my bosses who were amazing Kevin, Maureen and Des I have to mention them as they were such a support to me at this very difficult time. But I kept it all quite other than a very few knowing, I wanted to be gone before my colleagues knew. It would have been too awkward on them talking to me so I think I made the right decision.

1 week had passed and I went to the Galway Clinic for the Bone & CT scan, if you were never there, its more like a hotel than a hospital, grand piano in the lobby, lovely gardens. I went down to the reception where I got my instructions on where to go. I got changed into a gown and waited for the CT scan, that was all fine, its very slowly moving through a tunnel, doesn't hurt, you just have to stay really still. Then with the Bone Scan, I had to be injected with Radioactive dye in order to show up if there was anything else lurking in me. Now I kid you not but you know the opening scene of The Simpsons where he has the suit on with the clamp, well it was kinda like that!

I had to stay away from pregnant women and young children as I was going to be radioactive for 24 hours. They send you off for about 1 hour for the dye to spread around your body so we head to Oranmore for some lunch. The scan itself was fine didn't hurt at all but then of course, what if they find something else in me, all those years of drinking and debauchery are coming back to haunt me, all the cigs I had smoked, all the partying of my youth, surely to god they are going to find something else!! 

I remember the day I met the oncologist quite well, it was Ladies Day and Galway traffic was chaos. We went over to the clinic to meet with him and I was very nervous. I was more nervous about what they would find in the scans that the actual cancer that I knew I had. So we were brought into a room where a lovely young doctor came in. Now as I am writing this, I have one of the biggest regrets of my life, a missed opportunity, one that I don't think will ever happen again. His name was Ming  and my husbands name is Gordon, when ever in my life am I going to have Ming & Gordon in the same room!! (Ming the Merciless & Flash Gordon)

Sorry I just had to point that out to the world! Anyhows, he went through the type of cancer that it was (Triple Negative) and the type of chemotherapy that they were going to zap it with (ACT). Gordon asked him straight out, what about the results of the scans!! He looked at the results and was like, Yes they are all fine, it was just a procedure for us to do them. Nothing else showed up... PHEW!!! We were so relieved, we felt like celebrating, we were over the moon, I'm sure he was looking at us thinking this two are too happy! He explained that the type of cancer Triple Negative is quite an aggressive type but it does respond very well to chemo, so in one sentence "eeekksss" and then "Oh not too bad so". Then the Consultant Oncologist came in, he was very upbeat and was like "we're going to beat this thing"! All very positive and he put some faith back in me that I was going to be okay. We chatted about the type of chemo and what effect it would have, nausea, hair loss, tiredness etc.. Its all very surreal looking back on this now, we coasted through most of it I think,but having something to do to distract you from what is really going on is important.

For me I used work and running and chatting to friends and of course searching for my new "fur baby". This took up quite alot of my time and I'm sure I had Gordon dammed with oh, look at this one.. so eventually we found our perfect "fur baby" in Roscrea in Co. Tipperary, we travelled down with Alan & Deirdre and made a day out of it, we instantly fell in love with him, well all of the kittens really but we picked one, Mr. Bond and we could collect him in a few weeks time once he was old enough. I literally didn't stop talking about him, I had pictures and showed anyone who had even showed signs of interest. This did keep my mind off the bigger things that were going on, an escapism if you will. The Saturday before I started Chemo we went down to collect Mr. Bond. I actually cried I was so happy.. we got him home and played with him and he was the best distraction through all of this horrible episode that I had. 

My advice to anyone who is going to go through something life altering like this is to find something to take your mind off it, a hobby an interest, a pet or something. Cause if you don't have something to distract you, it will eat you up and take over your life. For me it was to carry on as normal, meet with friends go for afternoon tea and of course play with my new "fur baby"

Day 1 with Mr. Bond

P.S This week I have decided that I will do a 10k run in aid of Breast Cancer Research, if you feel like donating money to this great cause, (or just seeing me suffer) you can click on the link here..
                                http://www.mycharity.ie/event/yvonne_dolans_event/

C Day

Okay so I had gotten the worse news of my life but before I go into that and how I reacted, I should tell you first about how it all came to be.

I had taken up running a few months previous to this thanks to my good friend John, I had lost about 1/2 stone and I was in the fittest shape of my life since I was a teenager, even my boobs had shrunk and I was delighted!!!  I took part in the Galway 5k Series and had run my first 10k in the Kinvara Rock & Road.
I was in pretty good shape and I was working on getting my body into bikini shape for a cruise that we had booked later that year.

John,Clair,Sinead,Goron,Bradley & me at the Galway 5k Series.

I had noticed a small bump when I was in the shower, to be honest I forgot about it, but a week later it was still there. I thought it was a muscle that I had built up from the running.So when I noticed it again I said to myself, I better get it checked out, so I called the Consultants office and asked if they could arrange for a Breast MRI, which they did.
I had the MRI on a Monday and the following day the Consultants office rang me to arrange an appointment to see the Consultant himself. We went through the results of the MRI scan, he said that something showed up but to be on the safe side we'll do a biopsy. I told him that was perfect, lets get this out of the way, make sure I'm fine and then lets see about doing the preventive surgery.

Off I trotted to get the biopsy done, the Doctor that did it was very nice, it was a little sore and the only way I can describe it was like a little stapler going off inside you. I had a mammogram before and after the biopsy and I nearly fainted again!!! This time, I had to be brought into a room to lie down and was given a Bourbon biscuit and a cup of tea. They wouldn't let me leave until they were sure I was okay. I was going to go back to work afterwards but then the Doctor that had done the biopsy came back to me and asked if I was okay. I told her I was fine and was heading back to work, she looked at me and told me to go home, "you've been through a lot today" it was only then that I realised, that something was wrong. I was in on Monday for MRI Scan, then the results on Tuesday, met the Consultant on the Wednesday and biopsy and 2 mammograms done. It was all too quick and really I knew what that meant.

I drove home in quite an amount of pain from the biopsy and it seemed to take forever to get home. It was going to be a week before the results of the biopsy came back so we (my husband - Gordon) decided to carry on as normal.
Fast forward to the following week, I had an appointment with the Consultant again for the biopsy results. I had already convinced myself that it was bad news but I wasn't going to take it lying down. So what does a girl do in crisis, I got myself dolled up to the nines that morning. Did the GHD on the hair, put on a Fabulous dress and gold studded Topshop shoes. Well I wasn't going to look bad after getting bad news now was I!!!

We waited in the Consultants rooms and people went in and out and it seemed that we were left until last. I told Gordon, "OMG, they are leaving us until last, you know why that is don't you". I had him up in a heap until eventually my name was called.
My heart was in my mouth, I could feel it pounding in my chest, the Consultant put out his hand and shook mine and said, "Yvonne, I'm sorry but you have Breast Cancer", before he finished his sentence, I had burst out crying, ruining my freshly applied make up and said, "Yes, I knew it was bad news". The rest of the time in that room was a bit of a blur, Gordon asked most of the questions. I asked one question that I can clearly remember. "Am I going to be alright?" he answered saying "I hope so". That's when it really hit me, Jesus this is serious, I might die from this. We left his room and went into another room with the Breast Care nurse, she gave me a booklet on Breast Cancer (which I still haven't read) and her phone number, she was very nice to us both. We made some small talk and she walked us out, she admired my shoes and we left. We didn't know what to do, we got out of there and headed for home, we rang our friends and family, well Gordon did most of it as I was too upset. We got home, I opened the fridge and took out a bottle of wine and poured myself a glass, it was early only about 4 o'clock but I needed a drink.
Some friends of ours came out to see me that night, Alan & Deirdre, Breda & Pauline. They all brought wine bless them. One of them (I won't mention who) brought back 3 bottles of wine, a bag of ice and a pack of Xanax! We drank, we laughed, we cried and smoked way too many cigarettes. It was that night where Deirdre after a few glasses of wine had said to Gordon that you have to get her a cat with a squashed face (cause I LOVE cats!). Breda stayed that night with us, when I went to bed I broke down. Gordon ran up to the kitchen and got the Xanax and hugged me until I had calmed down. I slept that night due to wine and Xanax. (I am not condoning this!!!)

Things didn't seem as bad the next day, I rang the travel agent to cancel our cruise and some sensible things like that. Gordon brought me into town shopping to take my mind off things, well what else can a girl do in a crisis. Things were bad but not that bad where I can't shop!!!! I bought a few bits and pieces and when I got home I started my search for a cat with a squashed face!