As you can see in the picture the girls were on show! Oh that's my new wig that I got over in Selfridges in London after our Christmas trip!!
I wasn't nervous about the upcoming operation, I knew that it had to be done for preventive reasons.
That Monday beforehand I had my bags packed with all my new jammies and new dressing gown, make up and nail varnishes. Yes, you have to remove all your nail varnish before surgery so they can check your colour etc. I had to ring the hospital in the afternoon to ensure there was a bed available for me. To my horror when I rang to find out there was a bed but in a public ward!! I had specifically told everyone that I had to have my own room, I don't do well with other sick people and this was my first time ever in hospital and the thought of being in an open ward with strangers filled me with more dread than the operation itself.
I rang Gordon in floods of tears, not able to talk, now you are probably reading this going "Drama Queen" Is she that precious that she can't share a room but to answer your question, Yes, I was a drama queen with tears and all. He rang the Breast Care nurse and told her that I was in an awful state and was there anything that she could do. I was in the meantime hyperventilating, crying at this stage. She rang me and asked me if I was okay. I explained to her that I had requested a private room about 2 months previous and that I was even thinking about cancelling the operation it if I had to share with "strangers". She rang me back about 2 minutes later and she had it all sorted for me. They had a private room for me, God knows what she said to them but she had gotten one for me and I was in the car like a flash driving to Galway to secure it. I had come out in a stress rash, my eyes were all red and my make up was destroyed by the time I got to Admissions. I was so stressed out, again, not about the surgery but about the room!! I got to the room and if words can describe it, I would call it BASIC but it was mine! There certainly wasn't a pillow menu! Poor Gordon had to drive to Dunnes to buy new pillows as they didn't have any extra ones!
The following day came and I had fasted and was ready, again I still wasn't nervous, Gordon had come up that morning and was going to be there all day until I came out of surgery. Next thing the nurse came in and said "Right, they are ready for you". So I was delighted to be going early, I was starving and thirsty!! I made my way down to the Theatre and met with Prof Kerin and the Anesthesiologist, surprisingly enough we were laughing away while he marked me up. I was having the banter with the Anesthesiologist about running and next thing I knew I was gone. When I woke up I had a nurse over me asking me to cough, I couldn't it was so painful. "I need you to cough to clear out your lungs" so I managed a slight cough and she seemed happy with that. Apparently you can get pneumonia after surgery so that's why they ask you to clear out your lungs. There was a huge tightness across my chest, like a few cement blocks were left on me. The only thing on my mind was Gordon and was he okay!! I made the nurse call him, I called out his mobile number (no idea how I managed to do that after surgery) but she called him and said that I was okay. When they wheeled me back to the room, I was calling out for my "Puddy Cat" where's my Puddy cat!!!! and when I entered the room surely to God, there was my Puddy Cat standing there!! I burst into tears. Now bear in mind I was totally out of it hence all the puddy cat and tears stuff!!! I don't think I'll ever live that down EVER!
That night, a nurse came in and was checking my breathing and after a while, they decided to take me off the morphine as it was making my breathing too shallow. I was in a really bad way but I slept off most of the evening and night. The following day wasn't great, was in so much pain and no morphine but was on painkillers but they didn't really hit the spot. Going to the toilet was a big ordeal, I could hardly get out of the bed, God I will never take for granted being able to get up and go to the toilet ever again!
That night I had another bad experience. Nurse Ratched, those of you who watched "One flew over the cuckoos nest" will know exactly who I am on about.
Now don't get me wrong, all of the nurses were amazing to me except for this one lady. She was nasty, no compassion and down right mean. When my friend Breda came to visit she came in with my tablets and I said "Oh sure I'll take them after you leave, I don't want to be falling asleep in front of you" her reply was "You'll take them when I GIVE THEM TO YOU" as in NOW. Her tone was harsh, so afraid of her I took them. That night I lied in the bed trying to pull up the blanket for about 1 hour. I knew if I rang the bell she would be into me. In the end I had no choice but to call for her. I asked her if she could help me go to the toilet and I couldn't reach the blanket. She glared at me and said, "You have a control for the bed where you can prop yourself up and able to get the blanket yourself" I was nearly crying as I was in so much pain and now I'm afraid of my night nurse. She left me that morning with the drains leaking out of my back and my pillows and nightdress were drenched in bodily fluid. I was in a bad state.
That morning came and thank God she was gone. Another nurse took over and it was like Florence Nightingale, she got my pain under control and 30 minutes after she took me under her wing, I was a different person. I even managed to put my make up on and paint my toes and fingers and had a shower! So to this day, I still am suffering from PTSD from the night that I spent with her. She was there the following night but now at least I was somewhat able for her.
That week I wasn't able for much, was so sore and this tight feeling across my chest, I wasn't expecting for it to be as bad as it was to be honest.
To give you a brief outline on what Prof did, he removed all my the breast tissue and then put expanders in place, (like implants) but you can add solution to them so you can stretch the skin etc. They had to lift the muscle from my chest wall to put the expanders in behind them so there was a buffer between them and my skin. They removed 29 lymph nodes under my right arm. If I can give an indication out of 10 where I was with pain and discomfort I would give it 11/10. If I knew now what I knew then, I don't know if I would be able to do it again.
So on from that, I left hospital on the Sunday and was so happy to be going home to my fur babies. When I got home, I cried my eyes out. I hugged each cat and I do think it was a case of PTSD that I had from the whole experience. I had to take another Xanax!
A week on from that and I was back into meet with Prof, I was very uncomfortable and felt like there was fluid in my right boob and I prayed that he would stick a big needle into it to relief the pressure but no. He filled up my left boob and off I went. It took me about 3 weeks before I was able to drive and I was walking around like a hunchback. No one saw me!
I had numerous appointments with Prof checking everything and we were both delighted with his handy work! As he said, he had it down!
The middle of March saw a drastic improvement in how I felt, so much so that I started back running again.
All I had to do now was wait a few weeks for the "girls" to settle down before I started Radiotherapy.
Finally I would like to thank everyone for donating to my charity link so far and reading and sharing my blog. Someone somewhere out there might find some solace in this and that is why I am doing it. So thanks again guys and I'm nearly there!
Here is the link where you can donate for the 10k run that I will do later this year in aid of Breast Cancer research.
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